anujcb
03-15 11:24 AM
did it start yet? any updates?
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swede
06-30 09:40 AM
Got my LC approved June 05 2006.
Took only (!) 4 years from first application...
DOL recevied: Dec 5, 2002.
Got my 45 day letter in Feb 2005.
EB3-RIR
Filed in Philly DOL.
3 others from the same company got theirs LC approved 2.5 years ago and 2 of them have their green card since a year ago. And Im the only one with a US masters degree. Great system...
Took only (!) 4 years from first application...
DOL recevied: Dec 5, 2002.
Got my 45 day letter in Feb 2005.
EB3-RIR
Filed in Philly DOL.
3 others from the same company got theirs LC approved 2.5 years ago and 2 of them have their green card since a year ago. And Im the only one with a US masters degree. Great system...
test101
07-05 03:45 PM
Cantwell office is responding. They are talked to me and actually taking care of personal cases and majority casses. Phone number: (202) 224-3441.
They transfered me to a voice mail that Olia black where she care of these issues.
Call people.
They transfered me to a voice mail that Olia black where she care of these issues.
Call people.
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kartikiran
08-23 08:34 AM
So does this mean:
a) Less of EB1
b) Less of EB2- ROW
c) Less porting from EB3->EB2
If implemented may help the EB2-I/C backlog move faster. Probably USCIS's way of reducing the backlog!!
deepimpact, shame on you to think like this. This is just one more of example of how ignorant the immigrant community is about the ground realities of these law changes in the employment-based immigration rules which includes H1B, L1s, EB apps etc.
1. The neufield memo of Employer-employee relationship & giving not 3 years of H1B visas but in some cases depending on the contract 3 months of H1B visas.
2. The fee hikes of H1B & L1 visas.
3. Make EB1, EB2 etc more strict to make it almost impossible to get anymore EB2 apps approved. BTW there is nothing which stops them from issuing another memo to review all EB2/EB3 I-140 approval and revise the approvals & deny them if deemed necessary. What would you say then?
You completely missed the point. Put the events in chronological order and you will realize why IV Core insists on meeting lawmakers. Pretty soon, there will be no avenues even with a lot of legitimate experience for an immigrant unless they end up winning nobel prizes....sorry there are not many nobel prize winners in this world and I have not met one so far.
Anyway, hope others continue to meet the lawmakers leaving your EB2-EB3 divide to ask them for recapture and removal of country limits.
Peace.
a) Less of EB1
b) Less of EB2- ROW
c) Less porting from EB3->EB2
If implemented may help the EB2-I/C backlog move faster. Probably USCIS's way of reducing the backlog!!
deepimpact, shame on you to think like this. This is just one more of example of how ignorant the immigrant community is about the ground realities of these law changes in the employment-based immigration rules which includes H1B, L1s, EB apps etc.
1. The neufield memo of Employer-employee relationship & giving not 3 years of H1B visas but in some cases depending on the contract 3 months of H1B visas.
2. The fee hikes of H1B & L1 visas.
3. Make EB1, EB2 etc more strict to make it almost impossible to get anymore EB2 apps approved. BTW there is nothing which stops them from issuing another memo to review all EB2/EB3 I-140 approval and revise the approvals & deny them if deemed necessary. What would you say then?
You completely missed the point. Put the events in chronological order and you will realize why IV Core insists on meeting lawmakers. Pretty soon, there will be no avenues even with a lot of legitimate experience for an immigrant unless they end up winning nobel prizes....sorry there are not many nobel prize winners in this world and I have not met one so far.
Anyway, hope others continue to meet the lawmakers leaving your EB2-EB3 divide to ask them for recapture and removal of country limits.
Peace.
more...
Leo07
05-06 12:28 PM
I appreciate your comments! I was contemplating what's more effective. I think I agree with you now.:)
We have sent letters in the past only to get a standard CANNED answer. It is my opinion that the letters we send do not have any impact, cos as soon as they see "Immigration" as the subject, they (staff) sends the standard letter they have definining the position back.
I do not mean to discourage you, but the need of the hour is to call all the senators. There are 100 of them.
If you were going to do something in addition to the phone calls, Please set up an appointment w/the senator or staff and do a 20 minute Powerpoint presentation. That is more effective.
We have sent letters in the past only to get a standard CANNED answer. It is my opinion that the letters we send do not have any impact, cos as soon as they see "Immigration" as the subject, they (staff) sends the standard letter they have definining the position back.
I do not mean to discourage you, but the need of the hour is to call all the senators. There are 100 of them.
If you were going to do something in addition to the phone calls, Please set up an appointment w/the senator or staff and do a 20 minute Powerpoint presentation. That is more effective.
Libra
09-10 03:32 PM
thanks raminmd and miy_maqbool for your contributions.
more...
santb1975
05-30 12:42 PM
We really need to
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hazishak
07-18 07:22 PM
what happens when dates retrogress? If my PD is 2000 Jan (assume) and some one else has 2001 Jan (assume) with RDs July/2007 and Mar/2007 respectively and in August 2007 PD cut off date went back to 2000 Feb (assume) then does it mean that 2000 Jan PD is ineligible to get the adjudication before the guy with PD 2001 Jan because the RD is later for this case? Again if the answer to this question is yes then ,when the PD is set at 2000 Feb why are they accepting new AOS apps which satisfy this PD cutoff date because if they process by RD(at all times) they are not likely to consider these for adjudication anyway? Is it just for our benifit that we can get an EAD? If I go down this path I donot understand the purpose of the whole PD in this process.
The thing I am trying to understand is 'if PD is not significant in AOS why is it there at all in the visa bulletin'. If RD overrides the PD at the AOS stage then instead of specifying a PD in the Visa bulletin they can just say that
"We are accepting new AOS applications" and then adjudicate them in the order of the RD.
These are all just my thoughts and am trying to put them together. I may very well be wrong in my basic understanding of this process. Thank you for your previous reply. That was helpful.
In your case you will get the percedence over the 2000 PD. His is PD is not curent at time of processing. If the cut off date is after 2001 which means both are cuurent then the later guy will take precedence since his RD is earlier than your's.
The thing I am trying to understand is 'if PD is not significant in AOS why is it there at all in the visa bulletin'. If RD overrides the PD at the AOS stage then instead of specifying a PD in the Visa bulletin they can just say that
"We are accepting new AOS applications" and then adjudicate them in the order of the RD.
These are all just my thoughts and am trying to put them together. I may very well be wrong in my basic understanding of this process. Thank you for your previous reply. That was helpful.
In your case you will get the percedence over the 2000 PD. His is PD is not curent at time of processing. If the cut off date is after 2001 which means both are cuurent then the later guy will take precedence since his RD is earlier than your's.
more...
Gurpreet
07-20 02:24 PM
There are so many unknowns.. that I don't think we can really estimate the EAD process timeline.
For instance, lets consider we all get our initial EADs (in whatever time estimation one can make with the little information one have), I believe, it will be really interesting to see how much time USCIS takes to renew EAD's. Currently it has to be renewed yearly.
They would definitely have to either increase work force or increase grant EAD renewal's of 3 years in order to cope up with the number of applications.
I hope they would have decided all of this before accepting all AOS applications otherwise they would have to do alot of leg work.
We will see in future what they have in store for us.
For instance, lets consider we all get our initial EADs (in whatever time estimation one can make with the little information one have), I believe, it will be really interesting to see how much time USCIS takes to renew EAD's. Currently it has to be renewed yearly.
They would definitely have to either increase work force or increase grant EAD renewal's of 3 years in order to cope up with the number of applications.
I hope they would have decided all of this before accepting all AOS applications otherwise they would have to do alot of leg work.
We will see in future what they have in store for us.
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GC_1000Watt
01-03 02:19 PM
Dear Friends!
(By mistake I posted this in another thread. I think this is the right one)
Good Morning and Happy New Year! Wish you all success, good health, peace of mind and great prosperity!!!
Though I visit the forum quite often, I do not particiapte in a big way. I just read to understand the view points of others. After a lot of hesitation I took time to draft this note!
I am not sure how far my views would find acceptance, but I would like to share some of my thoughts!
1. Although I would sincerely like to give credit to the IV forum for all what they have done (and doing), I personally feel that that the days of prayer and petition are gone!
2. To achieve something concrete and tangible, atleast a minimum of 100,000 (Desis + Chinese / Filippinos if possible) should rally in Washington DC to press our case.
This alone will generate enough publicity. We can show our strength and if there is a consensus, opt for a hunger strike.History has always shown that "direct action" alone has yielded results.
3. Unlike European countries where the laws of immigration and naturalization are simple, here it is very convoluted and confusing. All laws in the USA ONLY favour the employers and the law firms. Due to this, several of us have been harassed by our employers.
4. Instead of harping on the existing archiac and immigrant unfriendly rules, we could propose something like this:
a. Provide Green Cards for all legal immigrants who have completed 8 years of continuous stay, as on say, June 1, 2010. Continuity would mean not leaving the USA for a period of 90 days at a stretch. (I have completed more than 9 years personally, but I am suggesting a time line of 8 years because H1 is valid for 6 years and L1 is for 7 years. It will certianly not acceptable for the US Government to provide GC to every H1 / L1 holder. Any period below 8 years may meet with very stiff opposition)
b. The legal immigrants with 8 + years should have a criminal free record (barring minor traffic offenses) and should have filed their tax returns
c. Citizenship status should be provided to all legal immigrants with 10+ years
Note 1 : Rules in the UK/ Europe are :
Permanent residency after 5 years of legal stay
Citizenship after 10 years of legal stay or 15 yearls of illegal stay
5.We are always getting drawn into the trap and quagmire of the existing regulations and the INS / US goverment / Law firms / Employers are enjoying the fun
Note 2: I have stated everything based on my stay in different countries and keeping in mind the interests of the immigrant community very sincerely. It is upto IV to publish this or discard this. I will also NOT respond to any comments / cristicisms. I am just requesting the readers to kindly intrsopect!
Best wishes!
To be honest it seems that all of the points you made here are by taking yourself into consideration.
Most of the people here know about immigration policies in Europe, but here the system is altogether different. Isn't it? It will require herculean effort to turn around the whole system. And by the way the current system is not too bad, its just that USCIS sucks big time.
Hold on my friend. We'll be fine. Go IV.
Happy new year.
(By mistake I posted this in another thread. I think this is the right one)
Good Morning and Happy New Year! Wish you all success, good health, peace of mind and great prosperity!!!
Though I visit the forum quite often, I do not particiapte in a big way. I just read to understand the view points of others. After a lot of hesitation I took time to draft this note!
I am not sure how far my views would find acceptance, but I would like to share some of my thoughts!
1. Although I would sincerely like to give credit to the IV forum for all what they have done (and doing), I personally feel that that the days of prayer and petition are gone!
2. To achieve something concrete and tangible, atleast a minimum of 100,000 (Desis + Chinese / Filippinos if possible) should rally in Washington DC to press our case.
This alone will generate enough publicity. We can show our strength and if there is a consensus, opt for a hunger strike.History has always shown that "direct action" alone has yielded results.
3. Unlike European countries where the laws of immigration and naturalization are simple, here it is very convoluted and confusing. All laws in the USA ONLY favour the employers and the law firms. Due to this, several of us have been harassed by our employers.
4. Instead of harping on the existing archiac and immigrant unfriendly rules, we could propose something like this:
a. Provide Green Cards for all legal immigrants who have completed 8 years of continuous stay, as on say, June 1, 2010. Continuity would mean not leaving the USA for a period of 90 days at a stretch. (I have completed more than 9 years personally, but I am suggesting a time line of 8 years because H1 is valid for 6 years and L1 is for 7 years. It will certianly not acceptable for the US Government to provide GC to every H1 / L1 holder. Any period below 8 years may meet with very stiff opposition)
b. The legal immigrants with 8 + years should have a criminal free record (barring minor traffic offenses) and should have filed their tax returns
c. Citizenship status should be provided to all legal immigrants with 10+ years
Note 1 : Rules in the UK/ Europe are :
Permanent residency after 5 years of legal stay
Citizenship after 10 years of legal stay or 15 yearls of illegal stay
5.We are always getting drawn into the trap and quagmire of the existing regulations and the INS / US goverment / Law firms / Employers are enjoying the fun
Note 2: I have stated everything based on my stay in different countries and keeping in mind the interests of the immigrant community very sincerely. It is upto IV to publish this or discard this. I will also NOT respond to any comments / cristicisms. I am just requesting the readers to kindly intrsopect!
Best wishes!
To be honest it seems that all of the points you made here are by taking yourself into consideration.
Most of the people here know about immigration policies in Europe, but here the system is altogether different. Isn't it? It will require herculean effort to turn around the whole system. And by the way the current system is not too bad, its just that USCIS sucks big time.
Hold on my friend. We'll be fine. Go IV.
Happy new year.
more...
vik352
12-18 04:32 PM
My I-140 was applied in May 2007 but I never got the approval until recently. My company opened a service request 30 days ago and I got the approval on Dec 12th. Service request helped in my case.
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amit_sp
04-26 11:32 PM
Hello, I have been through the same situation for past 2 years. Just carry your receipt for extension to the local MVC and they will give you 3-month extension on your licence. During that course, your actual extension should arrive upon which you will have to renew your licence. It's better to spend $24 for licence renewal that spending $1000 for premium processing.
My H1 extension is under process. I had applied in Dec 2006. My DL expires on May 6. Is it possible to renew my license with the H1 extension receipt?. Is it possible to do Premium Processing now?
My H1 extension is under process. I had applied in Dec 2006. My DL expires on May 6. Is it possible to renew my license with the H1 extension receipt?. Is it possible to do Premium Processing now?
more...
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GayatriS
01-05 10:34 PM
So are you judging all of India's education by the IIT's? I didn't graduate from IIT and so didn't 99.9% of Indian IT people.
I can tell you for a fact that Universities in America are much better than those in India. This is why I came here and I went to an average university here which I could afford.
What Professor-ji said in the video was that Indians were successful DESPITE the poor education they received in India. India is becoming a world superpower in research and development DESPITE this. I believe this is true. Indians know how to compete and will be world leaders because they work hard and think smart.
Lets not fool ourselves at least!! We need to learn to accept the truth.
I can tell you for a fact that Universities in America are much better than those in India. This is why I came here and I went to an average university here which I could afford.
What Professor-ji said in the video was that Indians were successful DESPITE the poor education they received in India. India is becoming a world superpower in research and development DESPITE this. I believe this is true. Indians know how to compete and will be world leaders because they work hard and think smart.
Lets not fool ourselves at least!! We need to learn to accept the truth.
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coopheal
01-07 12:13 PM
Approach ur credit uniion. they will eventually sell ur loan to BAC or the big banks.
my friends were on H1. I was on EAD but all I had to provide was my credit score, 6 months paychecks, company history and indicate that my green card is in process. lender was happy that green card is in process. she got terribly confused when I mentioned LC, 140 and EAD. Be careful with words you use becuase the lender or anyone at walmart or honda are not that educated about the pains of GC process and not that they are bad and dont want ur business.
I am also not surprised on reading this thread because our local citizen friends (bankers et al) get pi$$ed off to learn that I dont have a green card and we own homes becuase we are perfect candidates to walk off in a foreclosure with nothing to worry.
on a serious note - if on H1 and no EAD. think twice before buying a house. Job Markets are becoming unfriendly for H1 holders.
God be with you.
-Oye Chakdepatte
I am on EAD and no H1B. I am looking for a house to buy. But wonder sometimes if I should wait till GC.
my friends were on H1. I was on EAD but all I had to provide was my credit score, 6 months paychecks, company history and indicate that my green card is in process. lender was happy that green card is in process. she got terribly confused when I mentioned LC, 140 and EAD. Be careful with words you use becuase the lender or anyone at walmart or honda are not that educated about the pains of GC process and not that they are bad and dont want ur business.
I am also not surprised on reading this thread because our local citizen friends (bankers et al) get pi$$ed off to learn that I dont have a green card and we own homes becuase we are perfect candidates to walk off in a foreclosure with nothing to worry.
on a serious note - if on H1 and no EAD. think twice before buying a house. Job Markets are becoming unfriendly for H1 holders.
God be with you.
-Oye Chakdepatte
I am on EAD and no H1B. I am looking for a house to buy. But wonder sometimes if I should wait till GC.
more...
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unseenguy
02-13 10:35 PM
The conversation transcript in order:
What are you waiting for
Originally Posted by snathan
Quote:
I am still waiting to see your contribution. Do you need any help to write the check.
Originally Posted by unseenguy
Quote:
I have contributed more than $500 to IV. I am not sure I want green card anymore. Thanks.
Originally Posted by snathan
Quote:
It shows what kind of person you are...when did you contributed more than $500. It seems like you are new here with only 14 posts. And why did you promise 'I will'.
Are you just another junk in IV...?
Originally Posted by unseenguy
Quote:
You are being mean to me and untrustworthy. I have no time for kids.
Originally Posted by snathan
Quote:
i dont need to be trustworthy for ur million $$$...you are just another junk for IV
Originally Posted by unseenguy
Quote:
A kid does not need to tell me my worth. I know it better than you do. I have lived more than you have and I like IVs mission and agenda but I dont like people who label others as junk when they are not contributing more. This represents selfish attitude. First you contribute $500 like I have done and then tell me to contribute more. Otherwise just lie down peacefully.
Originally Posted by snathan
Quote:
I dont have time for stingy junks...get lost in to
Vacuum
What are you waiting for
Originally Posted by snathan
Quote:
I am still waiting to see your contribution. Do you need any help to write the check.
Originally Posted by unseenguy
Quote:
I have contributed more than $500 to IV. I am not sure I want green card anymore. Thanks.
Originally Posted by snathan
Quote:
It shows what kind of person you are...when did you contributed more than $500. It seems like you are new here with only 14 posts. And why did you promise 'I will'.
Are you just another junk in IV...?
Originally Posted by unseenguy
Quote:
You are being mean to me and untrustworthy. I have no time for kids.
Originally Posted by snathan
Quote:
i dont need to be trustworthy for ur million $$$...you are just another junk for IV
Originally Posted by unseenguy
Quote:
A kid does not need to tell me my worth. I know it better than you do. I have lived more than you have and I like IVs mission and agenda but I dont like people who label others as junk when they are not contributing more. This represents selfish attitude. First you contribute $500 like I have done and then tell me to contribute more. Otherwise just lie down peacefully.
Originally Posted by snathan
Quote:
I dont have time for stingy junks...get lost in to
Vacuum
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gc_dedo
04-30 03:56 PM
wow they have run out of questions.
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unseenguy
02-09 10:19 PM
So many idiots here who dont know what marriage means and use their wives as a "maid" for their housework.
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delhirocks
07-28 06:55 PM
Are you sure it was Atlanta and not Chicago?. Your timeline suggests it was applied in Chicago.
My company applied for PERM ALC EB-2 category at Atlanta on 18th June 2007, got it approved on 20th June. Received hard copy on 26th June.
My company applied for PERM ALC EB-2 category at Atlanta on 18th June 2007, got it approved on 20th June. Received hard copy on 26th June.
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DDash
07-20 02:38 PM
I set it up for 50 USD reoccuring contributions.
Cheers!
Cheers!
adde72
07-05 11:13 PM
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/06/us/06visa.html?hp
Can someone please put this on digg?
***
To complete the applications in time, the immigration agency put employees to work both days last weekend at service centers in Texas and Nebraska, immigration officials said. They said that 25,000 applications were processed in the final 48 hours before Monday’s deadline.
In some cases, security clearances required by the F.B.I. were not entirely completed, immigration officials said. The agency approved some applications “when we were certain the process will be completed very shortly,” Mr. Aytes said.
*****
Excellent article
Can someone please put this on digg?
***
To complete the applications in time, the immigration agency put employees to work both days last weekend at service centers in Texas and Nebraska, immigration officials said. They said that 25,000 applications were processed in the final 48 hours before Monday’s deadline.
In some cases, security clearances required by the F.B.I. were not entirely completed, immigration officials said. The agency approved some applications “when we were certain the process will be completed very shortly,” Mr. Aytes said.
*****
Excellent article
xyzgc
02-08 01:50 PM
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
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